February 8, 2012. Meijer. West Chester, Butler County, Ohio

(It's nothing like this, today.)

Meijer. 12:45 p.m. 

And what was the processional?

And of what did the right of Blessing and sprinkling of Holy Waters consist?

Small coffee ("Tall" in the Starbucks patois): "Pikes Peak Blend." Droplets of which were ceremoniously spilled upon the cart and certain of its contents, but also including the coat cuff of celebrant. The celebrant reported the sharp feeling of a mild burn along the tops of the intermediate and distal phalanges of the digitus secundus manus and digitus tertius on the right hand.

And of what else did the service consist? That is, what was the order of Mass; what prayers were offered and to whom? 

And what was rendered and what was received?

And what was the concluding rite and what was the dismissal?

A blessing involving the vertical movement of the right hand while holding a plastic card was performed, and an electronic tablet was signed as a symbol of the covenant between celebrant and the Meijer corporation. "Have a nice day" was spoken by both parties in tone approaching sincerity. This phrase is a common variation of the standard dismissal. 

And what was the recessional?

"It's A Mistake" by Australian pop super stars Men at Work, who presumably did not intend irony when titling the song.